sidekicks
by stanzas
Summary: They've always complained and gossiped to one another because life's a pain and they know they care too much. ;; Leo and Piper (AU)


;; They've always complained and gossiped to one another because life's a pain and they know they care too much.

_a/n_- based on the post by radycat on tumblr about leo and piper being best buds and basically they just bitch to each other about life and how shitty it is so yeah  
i hate writer's block its really bad now i dont even know what to write wwaaaaHHhh

also i finished supernatural and *sobs on floor* leave me here to die please  
a'right enjoy bye

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_**sidekicks**_

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"So, how'd that job interview go?"

Leo put his things down on the counter and glared at the girl staring at him innocently on the couch; the one who had somehow snuck into his apartment while off duty and gotten into his alcohol stash.

He just glared at her and her bottle of stolen beer and crashed on the other end of the couch, leisurely stealing the drink in her hands and taking a sip. "Blah, what the fuck is this? Why you always gotta take my shitty drinks?"

Piper barked a laugh and shoved his shoulder playfully. "How'd you enjoy staring at Jason's boobs for two and a half hours,? I assume they were as perky as usual."

Leo shoved her back, with a little more force, but still playful. "Shut up, I know you got a thing for Chase's ass. I don't blame you, it's pretty nice."

"Shut the fuck up," she picked up a pillow off the end of her couch and tossed it at him. It smelled like alcohol and sweat, not two pleasurable things really, but that damn pillow had been the cheap pokemon pillow he'd gotten from her back in Highschool and he wasn't about to throw it out. Sure it was _pokemon_ Charmander with the tail half missing and he's all '_grown up_' now and doing '_adult things_', but it's still the best Christmas present he ever got and it's not about to leave now. Just like the permanant fixture with him on the couch, the one he's just accepted isn't leaving anytime soon and will probably die with. That girl who's just always screwing up his plans and setting him up on cheap dates with college dropouts and daddy problem children who've grown up too fast and whine too much.

Leo crashed his head on the pillow and picked his legs up onto the couch; that one for pep talks and fights like hurricanes that left his apartment smelling like alcohol and regret and something else foul that hides beneath his sheets while they take a break from one another. And Leo never wants to apologize but in the end, he always does. He always apologizes first, and most times, he can't remember what they fight for in the first place, but best friends fight and they're no exception. They just fight with a little more force because there are dark things eating at both of their souls and they only have each other to take it out on, complain to, share the deepest most darkest secrets they've kept locked up in their iron hearts since the beginning of time and the bitch about everything in life because life's a pain and they know they care just a little too much. He's been there forever and he's glued to her too even if she didn't want him, because Valdez was a right pain in the cahooey and usually he never attaches himself to anything but he can't seem to get rid of her, stubborn as she is.

They're both in the same deal, and as it would be, it's love. Maybe for each other once upon a time, but that's not today, but mostly they're friends- best friends- the kind that loves each other to death but also wants to rip the other's head off half the time because they're annoying and bitching about every single - fucking - thing that happens in their life but that's their job; be the friend. Being the friend is hard. Listen. Care. Give advice. Then bitch to them about the same shit you're dealing with and live, because life isn't so bad when you've got at least one person who gives a crap about you and that _one crap_ is just about all someone needs.

"How was work at studio?" Leo asked, and she nearly cut his head off right there. "Oh right. Wait. Where do you work again?"

"Makeup department," she gritted her teeth. "Promotion. Oh joy."

"Sounds like fun," Leo said. "Hair too?"

"No, thank god. I would have had an aneurysm."

"Sounds painful."

"Nah. I can handle pain." He pinched her arm. "_Ow_!"

"What happened to handling pain?"

"What happened to smoking?"

"Shut the fuck up you little-" He leaned over to crush her under a pillow and suffocate her. "Some nights I wonder if I should hold a pillow over your head until you stop kicking."

She lowered the pillow off her head and tossed it right in his face. "Sounds dark."

"I am dark...and mysterious!" Leo flung his arms out and hit the lamp on his cheap nightstand made of four blocks of wood duct taped to several layers of cardboard and it shattered on the floor into a million blue and white dutch style ceramics he'd gotten from a yard sale years back when he first got the apartment. "_Fuck_!"

She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Naughty words, there are children here."

"No there aren't, help me clean this up." Leo swung his legs off the couch to gather up the pottery in his hands.

"I kind of liked that lamp," Piper mused. "Pity you wiped it out."

"That pillow over the head thing is really sounding marvelous right about now."

"You're acting like it's 5 am and I just woke you up, calm your tits," Piper groaned and rolled her head deeper into the smelly couch. "_Fuck_ my life."

"I told you, me and your life aren't in any serious relationship."

She sat up and shot him a glare. "Haha, you're _hilarious_. It's just-"

"Wait," Leo dropped the rest of the pottery in the garbage, grabbed another beer from his fridge and popped it open, then sat down on the couch next to her and put his head in her lap. "Alright, speak."

"You need a prep team for that?"

He flicked one of Piper's braids experimentally, testing his range of how far he could go to annoy her. "Sure thing, makeup magician. Now what's up your ass today?"

She groaned and said "My job."

"Alright, you're gonna hav' be more specific," Leo slurred a little and blinked a few times. "Shit how am I already drunk?"

"Because you drank my beer, plus two others sitting on the table, and you just started a new one, I'd say you're drunk."

"Yeah, 'nd your point is?"

Piper rolled her eyes and gave a dry laugh, the kind where she should be pitying him or caring, but really, she didn't give a fuck. "Should I continue my story?"

"Whatever makes you sober in the morning 'nd not a raving drunk in my apartment like last time, sure."

A sigh. "My director's an ass," she said. "And the whole studio is a fuckin' stable of hell. It smells like alcohol and horse shit and closed door sex all rolled into one major island of the largest douchebags and bitches in one building. I hate my job, Leo, I really do." She glowered at the wall and the beer in her hand as if she was debating throwing it against the wall to watch the glass fall apart on impact and create a distraction.

"If it makes you feel 'ny better, I hate my fuckin' job too." Leo said. "The other day I 's like, '_you gonna pay me like shit, I ain't gonna work fo' shit, motha'fucka_' 'n he was all like '_you're fired'_ 'n I was like '_well fuck you too_' so I guess we're even."

Piper had no idea what he was talking about and she doubted Leo knew either. "You're going to be hungover in the morning. Not a good way to show off at your new job."

"Fuck jogs," Leo said.

"Jobs," Piper corrected automatically, like correcting him was second nature, hardwired into her brain cells.

"Jobs," Leo nodded and waved his hand erratically before deciding to play with one of the braids in her hair. "Fuckin' hate working."

"Join the pity party. I'm worried about some people at my work too."

Leo groaned something like "_Egnh_," and Piper continued talking. "I mean, Annabeth's in charge of set design and all that politics, but the director is drilling her into the ground. She's burning out, man, and I hate seeing her go through all that shit. And you worried about Jason all that time too, being worked too hard. Hell, even Percy. Or any of our friends. Why don't any of us get it easy?"

Her partner snorted noncommittally underneath her and she glared down at him, tired rubbing eyes and all. "What, am I not allowed to care?"

"No," Leo staggered a little to sit up and looked at her very seriously in the eyes. "That's always been our problem, Pipes. We care _too_ much."

"Maybe," she fingered the nozzle of the beer in her hand like she was thinking deeply. "That's the job of the sidekicks, right? We aren't the big superheroes who save the day and get the girl or boy, whatever. We're just in the background, wringing our hands with worry because we care. What is the fairness in that?"

"Well, I figure it," Leo nearly toppled over the two cement block and a 2x4 coffee table they had, and managed to grab another bottle of beer before collapsing. Astonishing feat, really, but that was the typical style of Leo Valdez. "We gotta sit here 'n worry all day long, but the thing is, if we didn't care, then who would?"

They both went silent for a moment except the irritating hum of Leo's broken air conditioner rattling in the corner. "That's deep thinking," Piper said thoughtfully. "You don't mind being the sidekick?"

"Nah, Lois Lane, Superman's got 'is job to do and we've got ours." He fumbled for the television remote seated behind him and pressed into the couch. "You wanna watch some classical tv now, call it a day?"

"Alrighty there Robin," Piper leaned over into his chest while he slowly drifted asleep. They lay like that, her head on his chest and him with his arms and legs casually spread out all over the couch, because that's how things rolled in their world, the superheroes didn't really care, but the sidekicks always did.


End file.
